Just Because..

So Just because.. because I feel like sharing some of my thoughts.. Just because I feel like venting out online.. lewls.. The past few days I use being busy as an excuse as to why I don’t do ‘other stuff’ that I need to be doing. I just go work , home, work, home same routine everyday. But I feel like there are these “other stuff” that I feel I’m lacking. I try to balance life as much as I could.. I go out with my boyfriend, friends and I see my family often. When after work, I rest for a bit and just chill at home. I’m that type of person after all..well, it saves me from spending too much money. Still, that feeling of not doing what you’re supposed to goes on.

When I was young, I’ve had experiences good and bad well, who doesn’t have? I had to be separated from my parents and siblings, we move a lot from one city to another, to switching schools, seeing different faces, living with grandmother, the environment I was living at, the people I’m surrounded with, some events, yadda, yadda.. all these left an impact on me and to what is the next decision I had to make. I had no clue as to what I was doing with my life I just go and live and eat and breathe. I try to make my mama and papa proud,well, that was the plan. The goal was  to graduate and everything will lead to a better life and so I did finish school despite the fact that It felt like I chose something I am not happy doing. Still that feeling of not doing what you’re supposed to lingers..

Fast forward, I worked for 5 years on the career I didn’t like, ended up resigning and now working for a company that I want to work for, although the difference in the pay is a lot, I am somewhat contented. From disappointing my parents,  working two jobs, not getting enough rest to pursuing what is now important. From signing up to a lot of multi level marketing companies to failing and still wanting to find out what these so called hoomans expect me to be doing.. I think that needs to stop. Although I’m a little disappointed myself that I feel like I’m not doing what I should be doing whatever that is, I have this realization that everything wasn’t what I thought it would be..there are some things that I cannot control and I can only do my best, work hard not to the point all my lifetime is spent on working. I want to see my parents are okay and happy same goes to my siblings.. I wanna take care of my boyfriend and see his success too.  I wanna do well in life and keep learning, well for sure life will lead me to where I’m supposed to be. After all these,  though the feeling may be here for awhile, Is it bad to ask can I keep doing what I am happy doing.. (as long as it is not ruining my life)? and about these “other stuff”, can I not care at all? for sure we’ll get there. Just because….

Peace Out <3