- In my 29 years of existence, I have experienced a lot of heartbreaks but I never regretted letting my heart ‘fall’. Actually I think I am a person who falls in love easily but lets go of someone easily. Don’t get me wrong but I want to free myself from something or someone who I think is not right for me. But how do I know who is right for me- right??
I remember during my teen years I was curious of what it is like to have a ‘boyfriend’ because most of my classmates talk about their boyfriends and how they make them happy and “kilig”. I see them everywhere…them couples. HHWW (holding hands while walking) may pa sway sway pa. Yup! and they look happy and in love. I was so innocent and curious but at the same time I was like nah! I love playing computer games more (my first love joke!).
Sure there were guys who would approach me and try to get to know me but I wasn’t feeling it. I still love being a kid even though I was already a teenager but then peer pressure comes in. Some of my friends would try to hook me up with someone or even tell me to give the guy a chance or just try it yadda yadda yadda. And so I dated a few and one even asked me to be his girlfriend over the phone and I said ‘yes’. EEP! ahahah but after that I never went out with him again. That was too scary for me.
So I dated here and there and had my first kiss that I couldn’t even remember with who and how and the feeling. I just like eating out and not being the one to pay for it (ssoooo bad!) but hey! I was immature back then and I love free stuff– who doesn’t? I was only living with allowance and of course I’m just reasoning out but you get it. (The perks of being a girl) and yeah now I know that if you love someone you also give back. So Love? I don’t even know what it is like really to love someone back then— but I know for sure not even one of them is Mr. Right.
DATING SOMEONE WHO’S IN A RELATIONSHIP IS A NO-NO
One of the experiences I’ve had is dating a guy with a girlfriend which I regretted doing because it wasn’t worth it. The guy was my long time crush and when he told me that “I Love You” word, I said I love him too eventhough I know that he is with someone. It doesn’t matter to me that time because I wasn’t serious at all and I know it wouldn’t lead to anything but seriously that was soo not nice and immature of me T_T but don’t judge me pls. Eventually the girl found out because the guy keeps all my text messages (shheesshh). The girl just message me this: You’re so pathetic -yes I am 🙁 . Of course I didn’t message back what right do I have? and had to let him go… I don’t want them to break up that was what’s on my mind but during that time my family and I were about to leave the Philippines to go to Canada. I cried a bit but I know that wasn’t love and he was not Mr. right. The only pride I had was that I didn’t give up my virginity to anyone, I graduated and I was 23.
FIRST BOYFRIEND
In Canada is where I met my first boyfriend..it was at a school elevator. We started out as friends and started going out. Little did I know he had a girlfriend back home. I only learned about that after we’re already together but they broke up. because of me? or distance? I don’t know. but that time it doesn’t matter because we were in love.. or were we? For 2 years that we were together, i had no clue what being a girlfriend means. I don’t know anything and I was so carefree–I wasn’t ready but I gave him my all. I lived with him for almost 5 months in London away from my mama just to get work experience and play house. But because of our work schedule, we hardly have time for each other and I guess it became stressful for both of us. I broke up with him because I found out he cheated on me but it’s still not clear why it happened. He denied that he cheated but that was the truth. It was the most painful experience I’ve ever felt yup! karma slapped me soooo hard. He wasn’t Mr. right.
DATING HERE and THERE
Anyways so I moved back to Toronto to be reunited with the people that matters the most- my family. I worked double jobs as a nurse and did volunteering work just to keep myself busy.I was dating here and there and Of course cupid struck my heart again and it was with an older guy like 10 year gap? (a co-worker hooked me up with) but it felt like a rebound kinda thing but it was hard to tell if I was really in love or I really don’t know.. but I knew he wasn’t the one..We didn’t get along very well because we both wanted different things. Funny that i knew he wasn’t the one because when we went to Niagara falls, i asked him if we can go closer to the falls to watch fireworks and he doesn’t want to because we just need to look up and it’s there.. same sky..He was a good guy but i knew then he wasn’t Mr. Right.
I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT
I was at a lost and confused so I sidetracked a bit. I start dating girls. I don’t know but I felt butterflies. it’s different girls year after year after year..Sometimes we just get unlucky but they’re good people. That time I couldn’t tell if the feeling was love or infatuation but most of my friends back then are from LGBTQ community so i think it’s because of the environment. But knowing what’s best for myself, I knew when to let go. there was just too much drama and it was always messy. It was a great experience and at the same time it felt like a waste of time? then I learned not to trust the butterflies ahahah! it’s just a feeling that something is not right for you and your body is telling you so.
MR. RIGHT
After all the experiences good and bad, it taught me a lot of things about myself, the people around me, what I need and what I want in a relationship, what I can give and more. I’ve learned that you don’t look for Mr. right because you’ll find Mr. Right at the right place, at the right time, for the right reasons and if you’re really meant for each other. For me, I met my Mr. Right (hopefully) and that everything before then led me to him. Our experiences honed us to become a better person and to be the right person for each other. I feel that even if I met my “Mr. right” early, I wouldn’t be ready and we would eventually end apart and he wouldn’t be my Mr. Right. Now it all makes sense and I’m more happier and thankful to God because only He knows who is right for us and His timing is always perfect. Just keep up the faith, strive to be better and peace out:)
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