Dear Diary

Wow I’m at a lost here why i haven’t posted a blog in so long. so many things happened.. pandemic, new work, new house did I even mention that I got married to my boyfriend of 5 years and now we are 10 years together? Shux you know I am so happy that we ended up being together. I think of all my decisions in life, he was the best decision I have ever made. I couldn’t say anything bad about him.. well maybe he is annoying in some days but what the hey we always have fun together most of the time. Right now that was the first thing that came to my mind. Anyway, what else is new??

hmmm… It’s 2025 and just beginning of the year, I challenged myself into a no spending challenge. It’s almost the end of January and I am kinda proud of myself. I was able to spend on necessities only and now I am working on finding another side hustle. I don’t wanna mention it yet because it may not come true because you’re not supposed to talk about your plans until you have already accomplished it. well from what I read, it doesn’t come true because your brain will just tell you that you’ve done it already just by mentioning it. so imma stop here. yeah but why no spending challenge?

The past years I was all about travelling, going to new places, seeing new things, experiencing beautiful things. I overspent so much. So now I will be more reasonable. haha although I already booked our next trip. Yo I just wanna be happy and life is all about enjoying it. It’s a gift. yea but this time for real I will be more mindful of what I spend my money on. ahhh and yea I should post what I learned from our travels and hacks but then I feel bad that my reviews will affect people’s livelihood. I learned a lot about what I’m supposed to do and where to go but you know what never mind. we’ll just see where my mind wanders off maybe I’ll give a tip or two in person.

So about travelling.. I promise myself that I will at least visit 2 countries per year. Later I wanna go through some photos and see if it’s worth it to share. Ugh but yeah I have so many bucket list. I even wanna go to Antarctica.. my dream destination. I only see it on Youtube. haay I wish we are rich.. but then I feel you only enjoy the destination if it was hard to get there. you appreciate it more. Oh well, now I have to think of money…I am working to get more of it. haha future Jae, read this post in a few years.. just laugh it off bwahahha.. okay thats just some random thoughts here and there.. but for now, stick to no spending..i mean no overspending. Peace Out!

I know i rarely write here but i promised myself to write more often. 6 months have passed since the new year and a lot of things going on. First of January I moved in with my life partner to a condo and you know how it is with moving. plus our parents sold their house and is planning to move in to a different location because all of us are getting old and have to learn to stand on our own and live separate lives.  I was thinking so this is LIFE.. you think of what will be the best for your future. you start planning and making it happen. At times it’s rough you gotta let go of the old to make way for the new and it’s sad but then that is life..I miss my family even though we see each other often, it’s different when you live with them. Adulting is real lol!

So here we go new home, new life.. the start of this year, we’ll make it right. twenty eighteen how great it has been! scared, excited, what life has in store for us? only future can tell.. right now busy organizing life and all that other stuff stuff. so many life learnings! will post in a day or two. Peace Out! =)

Oh my gee! after endless procrastination, I’m finally back to writing here. I don’t know where to start but it’s been pretty hectic the past few months and i know it shouldn’t be an excuse. So many weddings and outings but yeah it’s all good. Summer time is usually the busiest but anyways, the real culprit is my addiction to angry birds. last week my boyfie introduced it to me.. it’s an old game but my first time to play it. I just wanna beat him but he’s already ahead of the game. my competitive side got into me that I wanna finish the game before he does. But this morning, I had to delete the app because I feel it’s wasting all my time and energy and you know I should give focus on more important things..well knowing me, I am not good when it comes to self-control. (don’t worry I was already ahead of my bf and that’s only within a week hohoho)

So tadah- deleted the app then downloaded it again.. ahahaha! then I deleted it again and hoping it’s for good. Ugh this is so hard but you know it’s for the better plus it gets boring after awhile. Oh well I used to be a gamer back in highschool but had to make a choice when I got into college. I needed to prioritize hey! for some they can balance both well, not me. I have to focus on one thing or else I get too many distractions and lose track. Right now I have to get myself to be creative, find a career I will love, and develop hobbies and yeah! that’s the main goal. I still feel at a lost but I know the right time will come for me to find something I am passionate about that’s why I have to get rid of unnecessary distractions and keep looking. So even if it’s hard I just have to think these things  everytime I get busy at doing something– will I become proud of myself few years from now if I keep doing this?, Is it worth of my time and am I learning something? am I getting more money doing this?(haha) am I happy while doing it? (because at the end of the day, what makes you happy counts).

What about you? How do you stop procrastinating and beat distraction? Just a thought! Let’s defeat distractions but first peace out!

It’s starting to get warmer and before you know it it’s already summer. For me fall season is my favourite season and summer is the second. I just like the changing colour of the leaves plus its nice to go out for walks and take pictures hehe! I’m actually camera shy because I don’t like it when people look at you especially when you’re having your picture taken. (Waaah! I shouldn’t be conscious right) but yeah that’s one of the few things I want to change about myself. I should just not care at all or mind what other people thinks.. oh well..there’s still room for improvement. So what to do since it’s nice out?

So right now I’m thinking whether I should go out or just stay at home. I just finished cooking dinner so maybe I should go read a good book instead? I didn’t know cooking can be so tiring.. hehe but yeah I think my cooking is good and the boyfriend thinks so too but I still want to improve on my culinary skills yiiiiii! (Hiya)  😛 aghhh but yeah still can’t decide what to do other than write here on my venting machine nyek it’s not even a term T_T

Haha! Okay! That’s why it’s important to have a hobby..I was thinking of learning calligraphy since my handwriting is neat. A lot of practice then will be good at it. I’m sure I will because I am a type of person who learns fast if I put my heart into whatever it is. Well, only if I like it or else I close my mind to learning. Hmm I think anyone can do what the heart wants. It’s just a matter of knowing if it will be good for you or if it won’t benefit you at all. But the choice is still up to us. So maybe I’ll try calligraphy within this week?

Anyways, On some days I go hiking which I’m new to but I’m loving it. I feel I can eat anything then go 5 hours of hiking and feel like I won’t gain pounds hohoho! It’s nice to have met friends who will push you to try things you don’t even think you would dare to try but as they say, you don’t really know what you want. You’ll know it once you’ve tried  it. So don’t settle yet maybe you’re just comfortable and missing out on a lot of things. So I dare myself to try as many things as I can because life is too short. I dare you Jae! So hiking? Hmm not today…

Now, I feel like sleeping haha joke joke! Hmm must get out!! You might see me at indigo lol I know what I’m writing here doesn’t make sense at all. but just like the title, it’s all about my thoughts for today.. hmm day. So hmm hmm and Peace out!

My Easter Sunday is just like the usual days but I try to at least get my family to celebrate together..which is hardly possible..my family is too complicated. Well if u only know my heart.. don’t wanna be emo here but yeah I think I see some improvements on how I handle my feelings.. later on that.

So today, I took my parents for Easter lunch and some desserts. I feel happy at least once in a while I get to take them out. We were supposed to watch a movie but there’s nothing  good to see so we cancelled on that. It would’ve been nice if all of my siblings are with us too and I know my parents would’ve been happier. My big sister came with us for lunch but had to leave early.. I guess everyone is busy doing their own thing. I have to remind myself to spend time with people that matters no matter where life takes me.. well I try.. I really wish only the best for my family and I wanna see them happy and doing well.. isn’t life sad?

Anyways sometimes I feel a little bit sad but there’s also some good things in my life and that’s where I have to put my thoughts and energy into. Been thinking earlier that there are some things I cannot control like how people are, I can’t change how they are or how they think.. I can try maybe but I can’t..it’ll just make me waste a lot of my time and energy and can’t even appreciate the positive things. But yeah I know sometimes it hurts me..But I guess there are some things you cannot change but we all can create our life and make it beautiful… I try to go with the saying you are what you think… I still have a lot to improve at..oh shoot! like sleeping early?

Yeah yeah I was thinking Easter Sunday is a good day to reassess how I’m doing with my life and the start to think ways to improve myself and become a better person. I was gonna type here lists of what I want to improve at but let’s start it off with getting enough sleep so I can set the happy mood all day lol it’s 11:22 pm and have to wake up at 4!! Maybe it’s true emo people are still awake at midnight being emo?? Noooooo! I’m no emo Haha so will sleep now and log off from my cellphone. Just feeling blue earlier.. goodnight and peace out!:P

So Just because.. because I feel like sharing some of my thoughts.. Just because I feel like venting out online.. lewls.. The past few days I use being busy as an excuse as to why I don’t do ‘other stuff’ that I need to be doing. I just go work , home, work, home same routine everyday. But I feel like there are these “other stuff” that I feel I’m lacking. I try to balance life as much as I could.. I go out with my boyfriend, friends and I see my family often. When after work, I rest for a bit and just chill at home. I’m that type of person after all..well, it saves me from spending too much money. Still, that feeling of not doing what you’re supposed to goes on.

When I was young, I’ve had experiences good and bad well, who doesn’t have? I had to be separated from my parents and siblings, we move a lot from one city to another, to switching schools, seeing different faces, living with grandmother, the environment I was living at, the people I’m surrounded with, some events, yadda, yadda.. all these left an impact on me and to what is the next decision I had to make. I had no clue as to what I was doing with my life I just go and live and eat and breathe. I try to make my mama and papa proud,well, that was the plan. The goal was  to graduate and everything will lead to a better life and so I did finish school despite the fact that It felt like I chose something I am not happy doing. Still that feeling of not doing what you’re supposed to lingers..

Fast forward, I worked for 5 years on the career I didn’t like, ended up resigning and now working for a company that I want to work for, although the difference in the pay is a lot, I am somewhat contented. From disappointing my parents,  working two jobs, not getting enough rest to pursuing what is now important. From signing up to a lot of multi level marketing companies to failing and still wanting to find out what these so called hoomans expect me to be doing.. I think that needs to stop. Although I’m a little disappointed myself that I feel like I’m not doing what I should be doing whatever that is, I have this realization that everything wasn’t what I thought it would be..there are some things that I cannot control and I can only do my best, work hard not to the point all my lifetime is spent on working. I want to see my parents are okay and happy same goes to my siblings.. I wanna take care of my boyfriend and see his success too.  I wanna do well in life and keep learning, well for sure life will lead me to where I’m supposed to be. After all these,  though the feeling may be here for awhile, Is it bad to ask can I keep doing what I am happy doing.. (as long as it is not ruining my life)? and about these “other stuff”, can I not care at all? for sure we’ll get there. Just because….

Peace Out <3

So I woke up early this morning and feel like writing something while eating a bowl of rice with mushroom soup (Gee I wonder why it tastes better when the boyfie makes it). Anyways so this time I want to write some random things about me and here it goes..

1. My name is Jae and when I was young, I never liked my name. I would prefer to be called Michelle or other common girl names. I find that weird because the only time I started liking my name was during college. It’s so nice and unique 😛 Ha! btw, I was also known as sakura.
2. So I was a fan of cardcaptor Sakura when I was in Highschool. plus I love cherry blossoms. My name in C-strike is Sakura.
3. Back in high school, I play a lot of computer games and spent most of the time in computer shops. My dad would spank me because I don’t study after school. (I realized I should’ve studied hard)
4. I am your average student. I don’t study much and still never get a failing mark. They say I was just lucky but tbh, my style is cramming which is bad.  I used to be good in school when I was in grade school and an honor student in first year high school but that’s because of the environment. I lived in the province where there are trees and I could study in the park. In Manila, you get too many distractions.
5. Whenever I feel stressed or sad, I sing out loud. It is true that music is good for the soul. but depends on the type.
6. I cry whenever I’m upset or mad. I dunno why but I’m actually easy to read. like you can easily tell how I’m feeling by just looking at me.
7. I am someone who forgives but never forgets. I don’t hold grudges but sometimes I keep my distance from people just because it’s better that way. (you know what I’m saying?–with a tone)
8. I like family outings and traveling with loved ones–my happiness! plus money makes me feel good too hehehe 😛 Whyyy
9. My favorite food is anything with potatoes and seafood yum yum
10. I don’t like lazy people… I get attracted to people who are hardworking and smart
11. My favorite part of the house is my room. I get to decorate it and arrange it to anything I want. plus I think it’s the cleanest room of all ehehhe! I like it clean and tidy.
12. I like wearing leggings than jeans. It’s super comfy and you can just wear it with anything! but of course I like long tops with it.. can’t expose the ‘camel toe’ hahaha
13. Things I can’t leave the house without:keys, cellphone and lipstick
14. I like Mcdonald’s fries with chocolate sundae hihi perfect combination
15. I’m afraid of the dark, spiders (actually creepy insects) and mosquito bite. I think I have phobia in going up the escalators too.

EEk I’m oversharing but yo peace out!

1. In my 29 years of existence, I have experienced a lot of heartbreaks but I never regretted letting my heart ‘fall’. Actually I think I am a person who falls in love easily but lets go of someone easily. Don’t get me wrong but I want to free myself from something or someone who I think is not right for me. But how do I know who is right for me- right??

I remember during my teen years I was curious of what it is like to have a ‘boyfriend’ because most of my classmates talk about their boyfriends and how they make them happy and “kilig”. I see them everywhere…them couples. HHWW (holding hands while walking) may pa sway sway pa. Yup! and they look happy and in love.  I was so innocent and curious but at the same time I was like nah! I love playing computer games more (my first love joke!).

Sure there were guys who would approach me and try to get to know me but I wasn’t feeling it. I still love being a kid even though I was already a teenager but then peer pressure comes in. Some of my friends would try to hook me up with someone or even tell me to give the guy a chance or just try it yadda yadda yadda. And so I dated a few and one even asked me to be his girlfriend over the phone and I said ‘yes’. EEP! ahahah but after that I never went out with him again. That was too scary for me.

So I dated here and there and had my first kiss that I couldn’t even remember with who and how and the feeling. I just like eating out and not being the one to pay for it (ssoooo bad!) but hey! I was immature back then and I love free stuff– who doesn’t? I was only living with allowance and of course I’m just reasoning out but you get it. (The perks of being a girl) and yeah now I know that if you love someone you also give back. So Love? I don’t even know what it is like really to love someone back then— but I know for sure not even one of them is Mr. Right.

DATING SOMEONE WHO’S IN A RELATIONSHIP IS A NO-NO

One of the experiences I’ve had is dating a guy with a girlfriend which I regretted doing because it wasn’t worth it. The guy was my long time crush and when he told me that “I Love You” word, I said I love him too eventhough I know that he is with someone. It doesn’t matter to me that time because I wasn’t serious at all and I know it wouldn’t lead to anything but seriously that was soo not nice and immature of me T_T but don’t judge me pls. Eventually the girl found out because the guy keeps all my text messages (shheesshh). The girl just message me this: You’re so pathetic -yes I am 🙁 . Of course I didn’t message back what right do I have?  and had to let him go… I don’t want them to break up that was what’s on my mind but during that time my family and I were about to leave the Philippines to go to Canada. I cried a bit but I know that wasn’t love and he was not Mr. right. The only pride I had was that I didn’t give up my virginity to anyone, I graduated and I was 23.

FIRST BOYFRIEND

In Canada is where I met my first boyfriend..it was at a school elevator. We started out as friends and started going out. Little did I know he had a girlfriend back home. I only learned about that after we’re already together but they broke up. because of me? or distance? I don’t know. but that time it doesn’t matter because we were in love.. or were we? For 2 years that we were together, i had no clue what being a girlfriend means. I don’t know anything and I was so carefree–I wasn’t ready but I gave him my all. I lived with him for almost 5 months in London away from my mama just to get work experience and play house. But because of our work schedule, we hardly have time for each other and I guess it became stressful for both of us. I broke up with him because I found out he cheated on me but it’s still not clear why it happened. He denied that he cheated but that was the truth. It was the most painful experience I’ve ever felt  yup! karma slapped me soooo hard. He wasn’t Mr. right.

DATING HERE and THERE

Anyways so I moved back to Toronto to be reunited with the people that matters the most- my family. I worked double jobs as a nurse and did volunteering work just to keep myself busy.I was dating here and there and Of course cupid struck my heart again and it was with an older guy like 10 year gap? (a co-worker hooked me up with) but it felt like a rebound kinda thing but it was hard to tell if I was really in love or I really don’t know.. but I knew he wasn’t the one..We didn’t get along very well because we both wanted different things. Funny that i knew he wasn’t the one because when we went to Niagara falls, i asked him if we can go closer to the falls to watch fireworks and he doesn’t want to because we just need to look up and it’s there.. same sky..He was a good guy but i knew then he wasn’t Mr. Right.

I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT

I was at a lost and confused so I sidetracked a bit. I start dating girls. I don’t know but I felt butterflies. it’s different girls year after year after year..Sometimes we just get unlucky but they’re good people. That time I couldn’t tell if the feeling was love or infatuation but most of my friends back then are from LGBTQ community so i think it’s because of the environment. But knowing what’s best for myself, I knew when to let go. there was just too much drama and it was always messy. It was a great experience and at the same time it felt like a waste of time? then I learned not to trust the butterflies ahahah! it’s just a feeling that something is not right for you and your body is telling you so.

MR. RIGHT

After all the experiences good and bad, it taught me a lot of things about myself, the people around me, what I need and what I want in a relationship, what I can give and more. I’ve learned that you don’t look for Mr. right because you’ll find Mr. Right at the right place, at the right time, for the right reasons and if you’re really meant for each other. For me, I met my Mr. Right (hopefully) and that everything before then led me to him. Our experiences honed us to become a better person and to be the right person for each other. I feel that even if I met my “Mr. right” early, I wouldn’t be ready and we would eventually end apart and he wouldn’t be my Mr. Right. Now it all makes sense and I’m more happier and thankful to God because only He knows who is right for us and His timing is always perfect. Just keep up the faith, strive to be better and peace out:)

It’s March already and i haven’t started on my year 2016 resolution. For some, it’s not really a necessity to write one but I am one of those few that makes it a habit to write a new year’s resolution so I have what i would say “mini goals” to accomplish for this year towards a better me. I also like to see if I have improved and reflect on the past year and what I have been doing with my life my gee! but well just don’t kill my vibe–i just like doing it.. it’s FUN 😛 So here they are..

1. Be myself more, don’t mind what other people would say
2. Think less and just do what I need to do..
3. Improve on how I dress and look and discover my own personal style.. I know i like just the basics but they say you wear what you want to be treated so I need to work on this..
4. Be more confident and less shy..
5. Be more understanding and patient..
6. Work towards that dream career— working on it
7. Devote time to God..I know no matter how busy life gets, we should still find time for the reason of why we are living and be thankful

So there you go.. May this year be a best year for all of us and PEACE OUT =)